The 3-Step Stress Detox

Stress is toxic.

Actually, that’s not quite true. Long-term stress is toxic.

In the short term – say, for getting away from a tiger – stress is very useful. It turns you into a temporary superhero. Your senses become sharper to detect danger, your memory is enhanced (so that next time you’ll remember not to blunder into the tiger’s territory), and your blood fills with energy-boosting and protective chemicals and rushes out to your arms and legs so that you can a) hit the tiger hard on the nose and b) run away quickly. So far, so good.

The long-term not-a-tiger problem

The problem is that in 21st-century cities, what we have is not a tiger (which you either escape from quickly, or… not). We have debts and relationship issues and work pressure. You can’t hit them, you can’t run away from them, and instead of being resolved in 20 minutes they can go on for months or years.

That’s when stress becomes toxic. The blood that’s stuck out in your extremities isn’t helping you, for example, to digest your food and otherwise run your internal organs. It’s at high pressure, and it’s thick with all of the chemicals that are there to boost your speed and protect you from infections, allergies and pain. But they never get used, and either you run out of them (and get the infections, allergy and pain), or they lurk around and potentially clog or burst your arteries.

Your memory keeps getting poked: “Remember this. Remember this. Pay attention.” Eventually it can’t cope any more and starts dropping things out.

It’s toxic.

So what can you do to get out of this toxic state?

Here are three simple steps.

1. Connect. This seems totally unintuitive at first glance. Our instinct, faced with bad things happening, is to close them out of our awareness – but that’s fighting against the stress reaction, which is saying, “Danger! Warning, Will Robinson! Pay attention, this is important!”

We can end up putting an awful lot of energy into that struggle that we could be using for something more helpful – like resolving the situation.

Most of the techniques that psychologists refer to as “maladaptive coping” are ways of distracting ourselves from unpleasant situations. I’m talking here about everything from cutting yourself to overeating, drinking and smoking (or just working too hard). The stress is too big and scary, so we turn away and hope it won’t eat us.

The problem is, in doing so we’re trying to ignore the alarms that are going off and signalling that something’s wrong. By “connecting” I mean paying attention to the alarms – not to the fire, just yet, only to the alarms. Connecting means becoming consciously aware of what’s happening in your body, where you’re holding tension, how you’re feeling.

When that’s clear, move on to step 2.

2. Welcome. Again, this goes against all our instincts. But we’re not welcoming the bad situation, we’re just welcoming the feelings that tell us about it. And we welcome them by name. “Welcome, anger.” “Welcome, fear.” The feelings are there to help.

Naming feelings is very important. It creates a link between the rational, language-using part of your brain and the irrational part that is experiencing the feeling, and starts to draw off some of its activation.

You’ll feel that start to work, your body starting to calm down – because you’re still in touch with your body from step 1. Those stress chemicals will take a minute or two to be pulled out of your blood, but that’s all right. The process has started.

3. Let go. As the feelings start to fade, let them. Release them in your mind. You might want to say something like “I let go of anger,” or whatever the emotion is. You might even make a releasing gesture with your hands.

Breathe out.

You’ve just shifted your body from its activated state back into what should be its normal situation – with the blood flowing smoothly to the internal organs, the muscles relaxed and the mind calm.

The Welcoming Practice

What I’ve just described is the Welcoming Practice (or Welcoming Prayer), created by Mary Mrozowski within the Benedictine Centering Prayer movement. (Yes, it’s not just Buddhists who can do this kind of thing.) I use it to calm myself down whenever anger, fear or stress threaten to hijack my body and brain in one of those not-a-tiger situations.

The consequence is that I can move on quickly to a state of mind where I can start to think about how to resolve the situation – if that even needs doing after I’ve calmed down.

After all, sometimes, my toxic stress reaction was going to be the problem, the whole problem and nothing but a problem.

Are you stressed? Try the three-step detox right now, and tell us about your results in the comments.

Hypnotherapist Mike Reeves-McMillan blogs on health and personal development at Living Skillfully. For even more stress relief, get his free online course, Simple Stress Management Techniques.

5 Motivational Tips to Get You Through the Day

Photo Credit: The Pirata

Your motivation is what pushed you to succeed and determines to a large degree if you are going to succeed or fail. But even the most motivated person needs a little extra help sometimes.

When the going gets tough these 5 tips can help you turn the day around and get you back on track.

Getting out of a cold streak
 I recall using these techniques with one of my salesmen; he was having a really bad week and was on the verge of just giving up, working just meant another rejection anyway.

At the beginning of the month we had set the goal that he was going to make two sales a week and agreed upon a very nice reward if he made it.

He was still motivated, as he really wanted the reward, but just couldn’t focus and get hungry about his work.

We went through these 5 tips (I will share the results with you below):

4 Fool-Proof Methods for Slaying Health-Sucking Vampires

We live in an age of vampires. And their numbers are on the rise.

No, I’m not talking about the blood-sucking ones (I leave those to Buffy and Blade to deal with). I’m talking about health-sucking vampires.

Health-sucking vampires are those twisted creatures that consciously or not drain us of our vitality, vigor, and overall well-being.

You’ve met these villains of vibrant heath already – those that criticize your health endeavors, those that mock you for your health diligence, and those that would drag your health quality down to their unacceptable level.

It’s time to fight back. It’s time we become health-sucking vampire slayers!

1. Emotional Holy Water

Health-sucking vampires are nasty creatures. You certainly don’t want them to linger around for too long. But like any good tactician, your initial response to a vampire threat should be a controlled and measured one.

Enter emotional holy water – the delightful yet stealthy weapon against health-sucking vampires.

Let’s first explore how holy water works. Ordinary vampires are repulsed by any potent substance or symbol of genuine goodness. Holy water is the embodiment of that idea. And when sprinkled (or flooded) upon them, the vampires cringe and flee.

We’ll use the same approach when contesting health-sucking vampires. But instead of dousing them with holy water we’ll drench them in a bath of radiant and positive emotions.

This tactic is quite easy to execute. Simply share to the confrontational vampire how euphoric you feel when conquering health challenges. Convey how energized and confident you become when eliminating sugar-coma inducing foods from your diet. Vivify how magnificent it is to have near-limitless vitality for all the activities you love. And so on…

Such an emotional barrage has profound affects on humanoids – people and vampires alike. Both are hard-wired to be viscerally receptive to emotional arguments. So if you can effectively articulate the emotional benefits you reap from your life of vibrant health, then that positive force field will block the health-sucking vampires attack. Even better, they’ll recognize you as a powerful opponent and thus turn away in search of weaker victims.

You’ll slay most health-sucking vampires with emotional holy water. That’s the best of outcomes because you’ll have effectively regulated your energy output, minimized your stress, and also avoided using more contentious means.

2. Crosses of Conviction

Sadly, some health-sucking vampires will elude your emotional holy water dousing. If that’s the case then it’s time to break-out your crosses of conviction.

Vampires of traditional folklore cannot tolerate the sight and influence of religious crosses. The crosses are too pure for them to cope with. Why? Because such righteous symbolism conflicts with the very essence of a vampire’s vile treachery and outright wickedness.

Health-sucking vampires are equally sensitive to forces that conflict with their unhealthy spirit. Such conflict is a war of conviction – beliefs. Healthless vampires believe fabulous, joyful, and vibrant health is either unattainable or unimportant. This is toxic and seductive mindset that compels them to attempt inflicting others with it.

Your response to such health threats is an unleashing of your indestructible convictions for fearless health. Share your beliefs on why good health matters to you, how vibrant health makes you superhuman, and why healthlessness is a game for suckers.

The trick is to unleash these convictions in a positive and passionate manner. We don’t want an all-out war if it can be avoided. So don’t preach to the health-sucking vampire – merely convey the full extent of your healthy lifestyle beliefs.

The magic of pure health convictions is that they’re rooted in ideals far stronger than the every-changing whims of vampires. Such health-sucking demons follow trends. They’re loyal to no one cause. That’s precisely why they’ll never be as tenacious and valiant as you can be.

3. Blasts of Audacious Sunlight

Alas, sometimes health-sucking vampires get past your onslaught of fearless health convictions. If that happens then it’s time to up your game and let loose some audacity! But before becoming the James Bond of health, let’s first understand how this works.

Bright sunlight unnerves even the staunchest of conventional vampires. They wither at it’s presence and thus seek havens in the depths of darkness. The reason is simple – sunlight is raw and pristine energy.

Hitting health-sucking vampires with an equally concentrated dose of energy has the same effect. But with this breed of vampire, your audacity is your energy powerhouse.

Audacity, of course, is the apex of boldness. It’s not a force easily deflected or defeated. The thing with audacity though is that it only works at full-throttle. So if you have to get audacious with healthless vampires then don’t half-ass it. And by this point, it’s okay to be a bit edgy.

Precisely

1 Simple Decision That Gives You Financial Independence

A recent survey showed that 60% of us don’t keep a budget. Close to 20% hasn’t a clue where their money goes each month, yet 43% do spend more each year than they earn. Almost a third pay no attention to interest rates on their credit cards, even while carrying an average debt of $15,000 per household.

How can this head-in-the-sand approach to managing money end in anything other than disaster? Look at our economy over the last two or three years and the answer is obvious: it doesn’t. You can’t ignore the basic laws of economics. You can’t spend more than your take in without paying the consequences.

For over thirty years I have followed a very simple plan to financial stability. It allowed me to treat my family to Christmas in Hawaii several times, maintain a timeshare condo in Florida for 20 years, have a vacation home in the mountains of Arizona, live in a nice home with a pool and spa, and stop working when I was 52.

I didn’t hit the lottery. In fact, I wouldn’t buy a lottery ticket under any circumstances. I didn’t hit it big in the stock market. In fact, I am extremely conservative in my investments and suffered no major lifestyle changes during the last several recessions.

What I did is so simple, so easy to implement and so effective that anyone in virtually any financial situation can do what I did. It doesn’t matter if you are single, have a family, take care of your elderly parents, or live in a yurt in Mongolia. It doesn’t even matter what your income is. So, what is the one key?

Live beneath your means. That means spend less than you make. Ignore the siren call of instant gratification. Realize that credit costs you. Understand that risky investments are called that for a reason. Don’t be greedy. Remember the Turtle won the race.

As I’ve noted, we didn’t spend the last 30 years in a tent in the wilderness, living off road kill and fish. Our lifestyle was comfortable. We were not (and still are not) minimalists, though I like that approach to living. My wife and I agreed very early that we would do three things without fail: spend at least 30% less than we made, save and invest that 30%, and never carry credit card debt. We lived beneath our means.

Living this way means turning your back on the consumer society that fills our every waking moment. TV is not a medium for entertaining you. It is a delivery system for making you feel unsatisfied. Magazines and newspapers contain more ads than editorial content.  Every sense of yours is under assault to buy more, spend more, charge more, and risk more. To not do so is almost unpatriotic.

I am not going into detail on how you live beneath your means. Common sense will get you most of the way there. Thousands of books and web sites can educate you on the basics of budgeting and smart investing. There is really a very simple path to financial independence and anyone can follow it. Maybe not at the 30% level we managed, but if you spend less than you make and are committed, it will work.

Written by Bob Lowry. Bob hosts a blog, A Satisfying Retirement Lifestyle,  to help you achieve the type of retirement that leaves you happy and productive.

The Number 1 Reason Why Your Life is a Failure

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Why People Pleasers Get Hit By Trains

In the hit film Inception Leonardo DiCaprio plays a man who can enter peoples’ dreams to steal corporate secrets. At one point (spoiler coming) he enters a businessman’s dream and is driving down a city street in a parade of cars when a 300-ton freight train juggernauts out of a side road and smashes into the lead car taking vehicles, asphalt and everything else with it

Distinguishing Between Price and Value

If a book costs $50, is that good value?

Your first response might be “no way!” It seems like a lot of money for a bunch of pages bound together.

If a book costs $2, is that good value?

“Hell, yeah!” That’s a bargain-basement price.

The problem is, the price of those books doesn’t necessarily bear any relation to the value which the books have to you. A textbook packed with useful information for college might be well worth $50. On the other hand, a trashy, badly-written novel might not be worth even $2

3 Advantages of Constructive Criticism

The truth is criticism doesn’t have to be a dirty word.

In a broader context, criticism is an assessment, review or observation that can even be in the form of appreciation. Nobody seems to ever talk about that one: When the criticism is good, we don’t call it criticism, we call it approval. We call it praise. We call it being appreciated.

And who doesn’t enjoy sincere appreciation for their work?

Anyways, for constructive criticism to occur three things have to happen: There should be interest on the part of the criticizer and the criticized, there should be bonding and trust that the discussion is for the right reasons, and the criticism should be presented as a discussion.

When the criticism meets these three criteria, there is a strong foundation for learning to occur, and for both members to benefit from honest criticism.

Here are the three advantages to constructive criticism:

Gives New Perspective & Valuable Insight

When someone invites our criticism, we have the opportunity to help that person by giving our perspective or insight into the situation.

For example, say someone asks us to check out an article they’ve written to get our opinion. Chances are the person really wants to know what we think so that they can make it the best it can be.

Our objective reading of the article can give the person valuable insight into how they can improve the article. If they weigh the importance or usefulness of the criticism, they can rewrite or revise the article to make it better

Thus, the writer and article become more valuable due to the constructive criticism.

Here’s the real kicker: different people have different perspectives and knowledge about the way the world works. Each person brings a unique perspective to the table. If we listen and try to understand their perspective, we can apply that perspective to our work to make it better.

Think about it. Say someone wants to improve the design on their website. Who could provide beneficial criticism? Web designers? Regular readers? Casual readers?

Everyone provides a unique perspective.

Furthers Bonding and Trust

If we’re able to give our honest opinion on something, and the other person finds it valuable, we can increase our bonding and trust with that person.

Giving constructive criticism shows the other person that we value his or her work. The result is an increased level of respect between us and the other person.

If we’re lucky enough to have really cool friends that reciprocate coolness, they will provide their valuable perspective to us.

Let’s say that we help our friend out by reviewing his article and improving the spelling and grammar so people can read it easier.

He says,

7 Inspiring Success Lessons

Photo Credit: 20-B Martin Puryear, Ladder for Booker T. Washington, 1996

Today I want to talk about seven inspiring success lessons.  If you’re going to succeed you must first master the lessons of success.  You must pass the test and qualify for success.  Marva Collins said,

5 Ways Timers Can Help You Be More Productive

Do you feel as though your work, studying or chores always end up taking too long? Do you feel as though you could be more effective if only you could stay on task?

Maybe you’re convinced it’s a question of will power, or organization, or motivation. The solution, though, might be very simple.

One of the easiest ways to get dramatic improvements in your productivity is to use a timer. You can grab the one from your kitchen, use the alarm on your phone, or try one of the popular free online timers like e.ggtimer.com or Tick Tock Timer.

When you’ve got a timing ticking away, you’ll suddenly discover a new sense of focus which you never knew you had. Here are five specific ways in which your timer will help:

Writing and Working Faster

A lot of the writers I know

5 Steps to a Happy Marriage

Today I thought I would take some time out and share some of the wisdom I have acquired after 4 happy years of marriage with my wife. After some careful consideration I realized that a blank page would not be an interesting post to read at all. It would be just too confusing. So what I do have for you to read today is 5 steps that I think could possibly help you not be as confused as I am written from my vast knowledge in the sanctity of marriage with my extensive 4 years of experience.

Now before we dig deeper into these steps I would first like to disclose that the steps discussed here so far have worked for me. They were also written from a man’s perspective. Please use any of them at your own risk.

Step 1: Compliment your partner aggressively.

I tell my wife she is gorgeous everyday and that I am lucky to be with her. When she answers the phone I greet her by saying

How To Make Friends Easy

Photo credit: Carf

I believe we all want fulfilling relationships with other people. Which is why most of us have the desire to be very smooth socially and to make friends easy. However, there are few people who are naturally this way.

The good news is that social skills are perfectly learnable. Just as you can learn how to drive a car, you can also learn how to relate with other people in a way which creates powerful friendships.

There are certain things which if you integrate in your social behavior, will give you the ability to make friends with ease. Here are the most important of them:

1. Spend a lot of time interacting with people. Many of our people skills evolve simply from the exercise of interacting with others. Which is why a rich social life is one of the leading ways to improve your people skills. Go to social events, take on social hobbies, meet and interact with other people a lot, and you will see this effect manifest itself.

2. Be talkative. If you look at the people who make friends easy, you will often notice that they are very talkative. Not to the point of not letting the other person say anything in a conversation but still, they will talk a lot. This way, they create two powerful effects: they keep interactions going and they put themselves out there for others to know – two major factors in making friends with ease.

3. Be curious. The complementary trait to being talkative which will help you make friends easy is getting the other person to talk and open up in a conversation. The best way to do this is by being curious. Because curios people ask good questions and are good listeners, which encourages others to actively participate in the interaction.

4. Give value. The fundamental reason why a person wants to be friends with another person is the fact that person brings value into her life. It leaves them knowing, having or feeling something positive which previously was not there. Learn to leverage your strengths and to add value to each person’s life when you’re interacting with her, and you’ll see people being very friendly with you.

5. Make honest compliments. Nowadays, people receive very few compliments, and even fewer honest compliments. If you can pay a person an honest compliment, you will have a tool for making friends which few other people have. The way to make honest compliments is to look for the qualities in every person you meet. And when you find each one of those qualities, point them out to her.

6. Be positive. People who are positive have this magnetism towards other people. They draw them into their lives. This happens because being positive is contagious: when you are positive, it makes those interacting with you more positive as well. Look on the bright side of life, see the beauty around you, be in a happy mood most of time and you’ll reap the social benefits of being positive.

7. Smile. This is one of the simplest and most effective body language tips I can give you. Smiling commonly communicates that you are positive, friendly and you enjoy the interaction with a person. Most people could benefit a lot from smiling more, especially in social situations. Practice this consciously, and it will eventually become habitual.

8. Keep your promises. One defining trait of a friend is the fact he keeps his promises. A true friend does what he says. Thus, you know you can rely on him in many situations and this creates a strong interpersonal connection. Focus on promising things you know you can actually do, and on doing the things you promise. When those around you notice this, they feel motivated to have you as a friend.

At the end of the day, your ability to make friends with ease is not about using some cheap tricks while interacting with other people. It’s about developing and having a social style which makes people want to be a part of your life. When this happens, you have the ability to create an awesome social circle for yourself and have meaningful, fulfilling relationships.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded, and you can follow him on Twitter at

7 Steps to Calm Your Racing Thoughts

Photo credit: American Things

When you’re worried about something, your thoughts start chasing each other round your head and don’t let up. You run the same scenarios through over and over, as if practicing them would make them turn out right.

Sometimes they’re in the past, sometimes in the future, but in either case – worrying about them isn’t going to fix anything. It’s just going to keep your thoughts in a groove they can’t get out of, upset you, keep you awake at night, and limit your creative response to the situation.

So what can you do?

Here’s a simple technique for calming your racing thoughts down. It’s as easy as watching a movie (and much cheaper).

1. Imagine, first of all, that you’re in a movie theatre. Smell the popcorn, feel the fold-down seat under you, hear some relaxing music over the speakers. On the screen, there’s a peaceful blue sky. Just stare at it for a while, get lost in it, and absorb a little of its peacefulness as the orchestra on the soundtrack plays calm, peaceful music.

2. Now the camera dips down out of the sky into a busy city scene – and it’s speeded up. People and cars (probably a lot of yellow cabs – this is a New York kind of scene) are zipping back and forth on the streets, as the camera’s viewpoint gradually drops down until it’s in among the hurrying people. The soundtrack speeds up and it’s full of hooting horns and beating drums.

3. But you’re a bit detached still, just watching the movie, and it’s like it’s a movie of your racing thoughts. You’re just sitting back and watching them hurry back and forth as if they had somewhere to go. Where could they be going that’s so important? They don’t seem to be getting anywhere.

4. Now the movie’s slowing down to a realistic speed, and the music’s slowing too, and the camera is moving among the people, along the street, and you’re watching the cars go past and the people go past, still a bit detached. You’re watching a movie. Have some imaginary popcorn, it’s low-calorie.

5.  And as the music slows and becomes peaceful again, a lot more strings and woodwinds, the picture gradually dissolves into a scene of natural beauty. It can be whatever you like (it’s your movie), but I suggest lots of greenery and some gently moving water, maybe a waterfall, or a calm sea with gentle waves lapping on the beach. Have both if you like, why not?

6. And now the music is fading out and being replaced with the natural sounds of birdsong, moving water, and a gentle wind in the trees. The sky is a beautiful deep blue, calm and peaceful. And you’re in the scene now, walking around, enjoying the beauty and the calm. It’s an ideal environment.

7. And as you enjoy that scene, just gently press your finger and thumb together on whichever hand you like, and connect that feeling to the calm and the peace of the beautiful scene, the way it looks and feels and sounds and smells. And that’s your signal that you can use to return yourself to that same state of mind any time you want. If you find yourself on that New York street with your thoughts rushing everywhere, just press your finger and thumb and take yourself instantly back to the peaceful, relaxing garden. And enjoy.

Mike Reeves-McMillan is a hypnotherapist and health coach. He loves to connect ordinary people with the resources they need to become more integrated, healthier and happier. For more resources to overcome stress and calm yourself down, get his free guide.

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